It’s really difficult to casually discuss death with people. I’ve been trying to do so for as long as I can remember, but am usually shut down by
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Mamaw can breathe easier now.”
“That’s too upsetting
depressing
difficult for me
for you
to talk about right now.”
But I think that placing all of these restrictions on something that happens just as often as babies are born makes the situation even worse. My devout Catholic family will sometimes refer to a funeral as “celebrating the life” of the person that is passed, but I wonder that we cannot also celebrate their death. What happened while someone was on earth is the focus of people’s lives, but were my family as
Catholic
Christian
faithful as they feign are,
they would surely celebrate death.
It is important to note that these ideas are coming from someone who believes in the idea of an everlasting soul. I have a lot of questions that are not satisfied by organized religion, and don’t think I would change my attitude much even if this was not my point of view.
For one who believes that when you die, you cease entirely from existence, I think parts of this discussion can still resonate. That still does not seem scary, because if you lack a post-death consciousness, you will not know that you are dead. It seems there is nothing to fear.
But I do believe in the soul.
And while I think that it will likely be painful - the act of dying - I think that afterward, it will not be so much painful as wonderful.
What is funny to me is that I am unable to say those words to people without them checking in that I am not in the process of planning my own death. The idea that death could possibly be something that is not dark, lonely, or sad is not one that prevails in modern culture - or even in the Catholic church that theoretically believes in heaven.
Additionally, I’ve never been quite sure why the Catholic church condemns people to hell that commit suicide. If they believe that god is all-forgiving, surely god would want to welcome someone that was so in pain on earth to the warmth of heaven.
Should heaven not be bright, beautiful, or happy, I will be much surprised.
If god is all-forgiving - as most Christian religions preach - then no one is going to hell. They might spend some time floating in a space that is not quite heaven, but with the promise of heaven afterwards.
It leads me so much to wondering whether the experiences we miss out on in life will not be fulfilled in heaven. With eternity, there must be time to finish those books I never read, or to mother children I don’t intend to have now. In this state, I will surely find the
love
fulfillment
satisfaction
happiness
that I seek on earth.
Or maybe my soul will return to earth as a child again - this time, one that is born to a family that lives in Australia or Japan or Zimbabwe. And it will have a sense for the world that encompasses my experiences in the body that I have now. Or maybe all will be washed clean, and my soul will begin fresh, with no knowledge, experience, or empathy.
Additionally, it is possible that the feared pain of dying won’t be felt or remembered by the soul as it transitions to the next phase of it’s existence. And so I do not fear death at all; it appears
exciting
refreshing
beautiful
an awfully big adventure
and something more pleasant than it seems.
Surely there is reason for doubt, but even then, death is just a final ending in which I will not know whether I regretted or loved my life. Whether I was happy or sad. Whether I did right or wrong. I will be nothing and the world will be nothing and it will not matter.
This option feels oddly darker than the others, but still is fascinating to me. Unsatisfying, because it will not give me the chance to know all of the secrets of the universe that I wish to know, but a valid option nonetheless. It could happen that all is over in an consumingly bright fashion - rather than one of darkness.
Especially if a person is in pain or distress, a lack of afterlife is still probably better than suffering here.
Can we not see that? Are we too consumed in our own grieving to really congratulate a soul on graduating to a place where they are able again to breathe without tubes, love without bound, and move with ease? Though it must be impossible to imagine heaven, I would think that it is heaven because it is better than earth in all ways.
So we should celebrate! Not that someone had a good, average, or inspiring life, but that they have found
nirvana
heaven
peace
the place where they can always have the last piece of pie.
And that whether it is an actual place or just a state, even their most exciting accomplishments on earth will not matter. And yes, it is probably presumptuous to assume a heavenly address upon death, but if there is a god, and if they are all-forgiving, then I think my lying to my mother about my tattoo and sexual encounters will be okay.
One doesn’t have to be engrossed in religion to believe in a heaven. Or to believe that death will not be as final or scary as the world would like us to believe. Am I sorry that soldiers are dying - painfully - for me everyday? Absolutely. Do I think they are probably happier no longer on earth- or at least indifferent? Yes.
So I worry not. But I do wish for a place to have this conversation without it being considered sad or strange. Our world has always been inherently surrounded by death and it will be as long as bodies exist. We might as well get comfortable with it while we can.
Particularly if there is someone out there looking over us - someone that I have been taught will forgive me if I simply ask - someone that has created a paradise in which for me to spend eternity, death feels like the least of my problems.
Are we there yet?